i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
50% drunk capacity currently
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Enjoy the penises
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
