apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
