pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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