I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize