"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
