My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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