i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
