so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
