She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
