Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
