Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I touched a dick in church today
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
