It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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