She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
