: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
