My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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