So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize