Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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