Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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