Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
