do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
