Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
