Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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