Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
