he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
