dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
