U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize