I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the condom got lost in my hair
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
