I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
