you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
