Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
