I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize