my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
