dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
