I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
