I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
