You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm passing your future prison.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
