get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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