Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
