She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
