Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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