Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
