but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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