Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
