Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
