i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
