I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
