you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
