I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize