If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
