I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
