I bet he comes in French.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
