I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I could make wine with my vomit
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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