oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize