i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
is this the sara with the beer cane?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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