We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
