Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
