She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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