im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize