What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
