The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
