umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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