This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
