sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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