I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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