He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
