***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I smell stomach acid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
