...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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