one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
