hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
