So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
