Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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