I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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