This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
