i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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