Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
