I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
