Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
