She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
