After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
