You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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