weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
