Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
