He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Oh god it's open bar.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
