Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize