My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
