I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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