she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you would pick up someone in the library
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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