I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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