you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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