I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
