It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
