bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
