I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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