when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
