Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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