Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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