when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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