My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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