i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
