Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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