He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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