Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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