Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize