I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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