I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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