Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
